her vagine was all disorganized.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Someone signed my nipple.
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