I think i peed on brittanys purse
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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