Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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