my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize