I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
