How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize