i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
