So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
