i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
