Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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