I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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