I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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