Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
