are you still at the devil's house?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
