In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
