What a fucking waste of an outfit
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
