this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
