Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they're like a gay fantastic four
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
