I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
