i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
