Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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