I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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