i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
