So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
