i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize