I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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