Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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