Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize