God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
