I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
