I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
