someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
