party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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