Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
