Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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