If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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