Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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