she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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