I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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