Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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