I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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