dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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