If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
