somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
