just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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