YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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