So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
