you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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