so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize