You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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