Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
