i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
