worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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