There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
