My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
