Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
