it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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