Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
