It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just googled if crying burns calories
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
