My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize