mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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