becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
