what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
