this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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